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To validate someone means that you reflect back to the person that you heard him say she was feeling sad or lonely AND that you understand why the person might feel the way he feels.

Your feelings are important to me, and it’s okay that you feel that way.” Everyone has a different subjective experience, and partners in distress experience painful emotions for all sorts of reasons.You have other friends, and I love you.” Susan’s Dad tries to squelch Susan’s anger by getting angry at her, “Don’t act like such a spoiled brat. You love him.” No wonder many adults have trouble expressing their feelings.As children they were not allowed to feel what they felt.Reflective listening is used by reflecting back to the other person what you heard him say.And while reflective listening is a very good and necessary skill for good relationships, validating feelings goes a bit deeper.

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